*Trigger warning: This post includes a reference to sexual abuse. Please exercise caution in reading this piece if you feel it may affect you. I strongly recommend seeking personalised support if that’s an option for you..
I recently wrote an article about squirting for my friends over at GODEMICHE, in which I briefly touched on how common it is for me to cry after I have a squirting orgasm.
In hindsight, I feel it was slightly irresponsible of me to only mention crying in the context of squirting, as it can happen before, during or post a non-ejaculatory female orgasm too. Having an orgasm and crying both provide you with a heightened release of tension, so isn’t all that strange they would occur together, or that one would follow the other.
Crying after sex isn’t something that only women experience. It can happen to anyone regardless of gender, and may occur even if you haven’t had an orgasm. Performing a sex act without experiencing direct stimulation yourself, can still result in the build up of tension that expresses its release by way of your tear ducts.
Crying after Sex Is Normal
Crying post coitus (or during coitus) is completely natural, normal and common. It’s yet another area of sexual health that hasn’t been greatly researched, and no one can pinpoint exactly why some people cry after sex and others do not.
Some sexperts put it down to the happy hormones ‘oxytocin’ and ‘dopamine’ that are released during an orgasm, however this doesn’t account for why it happens to some people and not others. Or on certain occasions, but not others.
Crying Doesn’t Necessarily Mean You Are Sad
Researchers have assigned the term “post-coital dysphoria” to give a blanket label to both crying, and feeling sad or depressed after sex. I resent the simplicity of putting crying and sadness into the same category as each other, when they are not the same thing.
Crying does not necessarily equate to ‘dysphoria,’ and while it can be a manifestation of sadness or depression, it is synonymous with it.
People cry for many reasons – happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, fear. Some people cry when seeing something of great beauty or enormity, and others just from being taken by surprise (I burst into tears at my surprise 30th birthday party for no apparent reason, other than total shock).
Crying is not indicative of a sub-par sexual experience. On the contrary, in my case it usually signifies the exact opposite following a toe tingling orgasm party my tear ducts join in on.
But Sometimes Sex Can Bring up Pain or past Emotions
I’m rather fascinated in the brain body connection, and the idea that the human body holds on to memories, including emotional and mental trauma, within different body parts and organs.
For women, it’s said that the primary area for storing and carrying emotional tension is the pelvic region (specifically, the uterus and vagina).
Some people theorise that sex can unblock the flow of energy, which in turn can resurrect suppressed emotions stored in these places. These may be related to previous sexual experiences or feelings, which have been hurtful or traumatic.
A psychologist once explained to me that every time we experience something profound, our brain connects it to a prior life event in which we experienced a similar emotion or level of emotion, even if the experience itself was entirely different.
Squirting and orgasming can make me feel extremely vulnerable, and there are times when it has triggered irrational feelings of guilt and shame.
Despite having a consensual, loving and all round fucking fantastic sex life with my partner, there have been times when sex has brought up pain I associate with the sexual abuse I experienced when I was younger.
At the time, it feels too hard to talk about rationally. This is mostly because I might not understand exactly why I feel this way when I’ve just had an earth-shattering orgasm. I also don’t want to hurt my partner, or dampen the mood.
Thankfully through receiving support and working through these past traumas, knowing my sexual boundaries and developing awareness around triggers, this shame response happens less and less to me now. Although it is still something still I need to be aware of, and work on at times.*
Crying after Squirting
Crying can happen after any kind of orgasm, or even during the ebbs and flows of a sexual session, however I have only experienced tears following female ejaculation or a squirting orgasm.
I believe this occurs for two reasons:
1. Gushing Orgasms Are the Most Powerful Kind of Orgasm I Experience
Prior to the extremely wet and wonderful orgasms I now have with my partner, crying wasn’t something I experienced after sex or climaxing. I put this down to how intense squirting orgasms can be.
Initially, my beautiful lover was confused by the tears streaming down my face in the wake of a body trembling orgasm, and would ask ‘Baby, what’s wrong? Baby are you ok? Did I hurt you?” Now she understands that it is generally an indication of a job extremely well done, and just holds me until I’ve cried whatever I’m feeling out.
I can also be a bit of a brat when it comes to my orgasm finishing. Once the intensity and closeness has come to an end, I often feel sad and peeved it’s over. This minor tantrum manifests in in the form a frustrated cry.
2. Squirting Orgasms = Intense Sexual Connection
As I mentioned in my post on The 5 Factors in Achieving Female Ejaculation, there are a number of elements that come into play in order for me to have a squirting orgasm, one of which is a strong connection with the person I’m having sex with.
For this reason, I’ve rarely squirted during a one night stand, and I need to really be in the mood and mentally connected with myself, for it to happen during masturbation. (An effective G spot stimulating sex toy also really helps too.)
Squirting makes me feel extremely emotional and bonded to my partner. Having a bit of a sob after sex provides me with an outlet for releasing the build up of emotional tension that accumulated during coitus.
*If you experience feelings of shame or hurt after sex, please seek support. Your happiness and well-being are of paramount importance, and you deserve to have an immensely fulfilling sex life.